i'm for you

A photo posted by Rachel (@ineedadelorean) on Mar 8, 2015 at 12:59pm PDT

Almost a year ago, I made a personal decision to not post or share anything negative on the Internet about other girls and women, whether they were close friends or complete strangers. Snarky comments about a celebrity? Not from me. Joke going around about twelve-year-old girls who wear a lot of makeup? I won't share it. Don't like a girl in my life? I won't post anything about it. I promised that I would not say something even remotely offensive about other girls on my Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr, whatever.

Now, I can't say I'm perfect at this, but I tried very hard to be consistent with this. And a few things happened.

First of all, I realized that there is an overwhelming amount of negativity aimed at girls and women, whether they're jokes or straight-up insults, and double the amount of that for any woman who isn't white, straight or able-bodied. I always knew that, but I became more sensitive to it when I tried to not participate in it. Second, not only do some people see no problem with this, but they also find it totally acceptable. I can't tell you how many times I've heard someone say something blatantly sexist and stood in complete silence while everyone else laughed. It's uncomfortable and, to be honest, degrading.

Third, the less I shared negativity towards other girls, the less critical I became of girls in general. It takes a lot for me to say something really bad about another girl, even in real life. When the negativity left, it was replaced with an abundance of positivity. Any opportunity I have to give a complement, I take it. If I think someone's selfie looks cute, I will let them know. If I liked their poetry or Instagram photo, I tell them. If I just feel like sharing a nice message with someone, I do it. I don't hold back anymore. Why should I? Why should I withhold love and positivity?

In honor of International Women's Day, I highly recommend doing this. Refrain from posting anything hurtful or negative about other girls and women, no matter how much you want to. Even for just a day. It changed my viewpoints and beliefs dramatically, and it might change yours, too.

Being a girl is hard. Let's build each other up and help each other out.

(this is the part where I make the disclaimer that I try to not say bad things about anyone in general online, but this specifically has to do with what I say of other girls.)

17 things I love

A photo posted by Rachel (@ineedadelorean) on Feb 14, 2015 at 6:38am PST

1. Having wonderful friends who give the best gifts and write the sweetest notes in my cards.
2. The stuff I got today, including freakishly long socks, a pink Polaroid camera, a ukulele, and lots of winter gear.
3. Pasta. I really love pasta.
4. Also, pancakes.
5. Vinyl records. It sounds so pretentious of me, but seriously, they sound beautiful,
6. Parents who pulled off a great birthday for me today.
7. Real Polaroid pictures. So much better than Instagram.
8. Ballet flats. I wear them 24/7.
9. Sweet potatoes. Mmmm.
10. Comfy flannels. Even if I only own one flannel shirt.
11. Siblings who share my enthusiasm in today's celebration.
12. Books. I love books.
13. Spotify. Stream every song ever created? Yes.
14. Thick, colorful scarves.
15. Notebooks. I own wayyyy too many notebooks.
16. Lara bars. Especially the peanut butter chocolate chip kind.
17. God. And all of the things and people he's put into my life.

I turned seventeen today. I spent it with great people and great food. Also, I can play a She & Him song on the ukulele now. Hallelujah.

on feminism

At the core, feminism simple consists of the radical notion that women are people, too. Feminism only means we champion the dignity, rights, responsibilities, and glories of woman as equal of importance - not greater than, but certainly not less than - to those of men, and we refuse discrimination against women.

-Jesus Feminist by Sarah Bessey

I can’t tell you how often I’ve been told that feminists are “scary.”

I get it. Feminism is quite an aggressive word that bears the image of man-haters, bra-burners, activists and protesters, seemingly the harbingers of a future where women reign supreme. Feminists seem like a couple of crazy women who woke up on the wrong side of bed. That’s terrifying, right?

To be honest, it makes me wants to laugh, or scoff, or cry. I can never decide which.

Because you wanna know what else is scary?

Being harassed by middle-aged men during your shift. The constant fear of being attacked by a sketchy-looking stranger and, as a result, having to keep anything that doubles as a weapon (pepper sprays, keys, pocket knife) in your possession at all times. Ignoring serious health conditions because you’re told that you’re stressed, or exaggerating, or on your period. The fact that we’ve accepted violence against women as a totally normal thing that women must be prepared for at all times. If we were to go to other countries, you could get shot in the head for going to school or even abandoned at birth for simply being a girl. And as much as we’d like to think violence against women isn’t as close to home as we think, trust me, it is.

I’m not saying feminists can’t be scary. But if a few passionate activists are the scariest thing that has occurred in your life, you’ve got a pretty good life going for you.

Feminism isn’t about talking heads on CNN or topics on Jezebel. It’s about the lives of women, everywhere, in danger and distress. Feminists come off as angry because, just like every other woman, they’re sick and tired of the ridicule, discrimination, and injustice that they didn’t ask for. Do you think these women want to battle for their right to be taken seriously? Don’t you think that, every once in awhile, these women wish that they could go about their lives without having to think about all the ways they could fight off someone who could possibly attack them?

I’ll tell you what: I’m tired of making up synonyms and disclaimers about feminism so that people who reject feminism feel convenienced while the lives of an alarmingly great deal of women are jeopardized daily. If you don’t care that girls are subject to harm and trauma early on in their lives in seemingly normal settings like schools and workplaces, that’s your own choice.

In the kingdom of God, women are of great significance. Sarah, Ruth, Esther, Deborah, Mary, the woman at the well, Mary Magdalene - they took on roles that God did not view as less-than, but as important. The first people to know that Jesus was raised from the dead were women, and they were entrusted to spread the news that He was alive. These roles don’t overpower those of men, but they’re not overlooked either.

There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Jesus Christ. - Galatians 3:28

We can argue all day about feminism, about what’s right and what’s wrong according to the Bible. At the end of the day, women are still directly affected by the sexism that weaves through multiple cultures, sometimes so subtle it’s considered normal. These women need to be protected, need to be fought for, need to know that there is deliverance in God’s kingdom. They need to know that they’re not crazy or being dramatic. Their struggles and their fears are valid, and God cares about them. These women need God.

I don’t care how scary they seem; give these women grace. Give them love. Give them God.     

Obviously, feminism is a very broad subject that even this post can’t summarize. This means you’ll probably see other posts of mine on this subject. But this, this right here, it’s a start.

the almost-college life

A photo posted by Rachel (@ineedadelorean) on Jan 23, 2015 at 4:53am PST

I took my first college class last Friday. In spite of my first-day jitters, it went well; the people there are friendly, the cafe area is cozy, and the library, albeit on the smaller side, has an amazing selection of books. I'm not sure what I should have expected of community college, but it's hard to not feel nervous about something you've never done before.

I will admit, I have this weird thing where I love taking classes. When I was fifteen and taking Driver's Ed, everyone else thought it was boring, but I enjoyed it thoroughly. I had an amazing driving instructor and I found driving to be fun and not as terrifying as I thought it'd be. The three hours I spent in a second-story classroom twice a week were some of the most peaceful and enjoyable hours I had to look forward to. That calm, easy yet productive environment seems to apply to the classes I'm taking.

I should probably mention that I'm not actually in college yet. I'm still just a high school junior. I'm doing dual enrollment at a local community college for the spring semester. I'm taking college compositions and digital photography. I've only had one of each class so far, but I enjoyed both of them. Yesterday's blizzard and today's cancellations have helped with getting all the homework done.

Honestly, I'm excited about this. It's a new thing, a fresh start for me. Goodness knows I've needed one of those for a long time.

revisiting.

I recently finished reading I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith for the second time. The first time I read it, I was fifteen, it was Christmas break and it was the book on which I chose to do a book report. I picked up again last year at the exact same time of year - Christmas break - and I was having trouble falling asleep at night. However, I found that reading before bed helped me, so I decided on reading I Capture the Castle before bed because it was calm enough that it wouldn't traumatize you but there's a sense of suspense that makes you turn the pages until you drift off. I Capture the Castle is considered a classic, but it's lesser known than, say, Austen because it had gone out of print for a long time. 

It's a delightful book. The narrator, Cassandra, documents the happenings of her life while also pondering the important things as she skims the edge of adulthood. I'm in awe of Dodie Smith's ability to put into words the emotions and experiences that adolescents and writers can relate to. It takes on a quality of timelessness without the help of a flashy Penguin cover. 

I realized while reading this book just how much I love rereading books. I get why some people don't do it - you already know what's going to happen so what's the point? For me, though, some books demand me to read them again. Maybe I dreaded it too much because I was in school (Anne of Green Gables), I read it quicker than the speed of lightning (The Fault in Our Stars), or I just didn't understand it when I first read it (The Secret Garden, which I received when I was seven, mind you). There are some books that you can just visit and then leave, not because you didn't like the book, but you've taken from the book what needed to be taken. And then there are some books you just live in. You start out the first couple of chapters getting familiar with things, like reuniting with old friends after not seeing them in a long time, before really getting into the swing of things. You'll pick up on details and descriptors you might have overlooked last time, and certain quotes and themes resonate with you depending on where you are in life. You can drop in and out of the book at any time because the book takes on such a quality of realism that it ebbs and flows with the rest of your life.

Even if you don't reread books regularly, if you find a book that you can read over and over again, keep it. It's a treasure.   

all the more: a list

In 2015, I want more

• good books
• bubble baths
• delicious homemade meals
• green smoothies
• comfy clothes
• sleep 
• stories/poems written
• laughter
• flowers
• pretty dresses
• adventures and get-togethers with friends
• vinyl records
• playlists with good music
• compassion and sincerity towards others
• veggie burgers
• staycations
• cups of tea and hot cocoa
• snuggle time with my dog
• relaxation time outdoors
• patience
• pleasant memories

to adapt {and to flourish}

Adapt was my word for 2014. Prior to then, my life had become sort of stagnant; mentally and physically, I was in a dark place as I processed the effects that living in a foreign country for half a year had on me while also sorting things out at home. On New Year’s Eve, I realized that I wanted things to change. I wanted to put the past behind me and move on with life. To Adapt became my goal as I approached the next year.

Looking back, my life changed so much. I attended more parties and events; I ate more fruits and vegetables and became less of a picky eater; I decided to see a counselor and some doctors about my physical issues and my depression and anxiety about life; and I did plenty of reading on social and political issues and made conclusions about my own personal beliefs. I decided to stop caring about what everyone else thought I should do or say and did things I enjoyed. My life isn't perfectly resolved, but I’m glad to say that I feel much more content than I did at this time last year.

My New Year’s Eve plans aren't very exciting - I plan to stay at home, eat food I like and miss the Ball Drop in Times Square for the third year in a row. I am totally okay with that.

I’m excited for what next year will be like. I’m turning seventeen this year, taking dual enrollment classes at a community college, and aiming to finally get my license (fingers crossed). What I hope to do next year includes:

+Making healthy eating and exercising a normal, routinely part of life

+Reading a lot more often - the Bible, fiction, nonfiction, memoirs and the like.

+Dabbling in many different types of art, such as photography and painting

+Developing my skills as a writer (hence this blog)

+Spending more time with the people I love

+Spending less time online

I want this year to be about more than just dealing with things. I want to make something of my life. I want to flourish. So that’s my word, my goal, for 2015. Flourish.